Balcony View

Balcony View
This ain't Alabama

Saturday, April 16, 2011

home and home

Being in Alabama for almost 2 weeks, with the warm Spring weather, the blossoms and birds, the mountains and blue skies, was spoiling.  I suddenly wanted to live there again.  Not only because of Lennon, but because it so feels like home to me.  Spring is a wonderful time in the South, despite the pine pollen.  I guess Spring is wonderful anywhere as it is such a renewal and revival of life in every form.

I was so sad to leave, and the sadness followed me all the way back to Chicago.  Reaching that point on I94 where the skyline was visible did something to me though.  And walking into my place and seeing the city lights outside, hearing the city noises, being surrounded by my familiar life and things, I felt I was home.

How can both places feel like home?  How can I "belong" in both small-city Alabama and big-city Illinois?  How can I enjoy both the 90-degree humid oven-like heat and the single-digit snowy cold?  What is it about living that makes it possible to love such extremes?  And feel safe familiarity with both?

I think the question is the same as "is it possible to be in love with two people at the same time?".  And I think the answer to both questions is "yes".  I've always felt it's possible to love more than one person - not family or friends, but to love two men equally, or two women.  Many people would argue that it's not right - you must love one more than the other.  I disagree, though.  There are so many elements to each of us, and people can bring out the best of various elements in us all.  Finding someone who satisfies us in every way is the ultimate hope, but if we're honest, we know that is unlikely.  We give something up in order to have the closest to perfect we can and to be happy with it.  Those that do find perfect perfect are very, very lucky.

I can't say that I love North Alabama and Chicago equally, but I think I could be equally happy living either place.  They each fulfill different elements in me, and in different ways.  Alabama satisfies my need for serenity and natural beauty and familiarity.  Chicago satisfies my need for adventure and discovery and change.  I don't know that there is a place that would do both, but I know I can work to find both anywhere I am.  That's the key to being truly happy wherever we are - finding a way to fulfill ourselves and use the elements at hand to do so.  Not a difficult thing to do if you're willing to put forth a little effort.  And if you're not dependent on someone else to fulfill you.  Still, where my family is will always win out in the competition for "home".

life anew

I'm a gramma!  For real!  Lennon Christian-William Berry made his entrance into the world Thursday, April 7 at 11:16 p.m., after 2 very long and trying days for the mom and dad.  They checked into the hospital Tuesday evening to prep for induced labor, started the process Wednesday morning to no avail, took a break Wednesday night, then started again on Thursday morning.  After a long day of labor, morphine, an epidural and a lot of "push, Christine!!!!", we got to meet Lennon for the first time live and in color.

The good thing was that Tine's mom got there from Germany late Wednesday, so she didn't miss the birth.  The bad thing was that all of us did a lot of waiting, waiting, waiting for two days.  The end result was certainly worth it.  Lennon is beautiful in every way.  Of course, he's my grandson so he can't help it.  :)

Being part of the whole experience was amazing.  I was allowed to remain in the birthing room through it all.  I've been part of 2 births myself, but never a spectator, and it was such an experience.  The nurses worked their butts off to get him into place, and Tine was super - pushing with all her might and hanging in through the whole thing.  Seth was both supportive and in awe; obviously anxious, concerned, and ready to meet his son.  The doctor was there for about 10 minutes just to bring Lennon out and check him over - they have the easy job.  Lennon appeared all pale and slimy, but took those first few breaths and turned pink and perfect.  Hearing those first few squeaks of new life in oxygen were wonderful, and made me realize what a miracle it all is.  He went from the warm, floaty, confined space he knew for 9 months into the bright, harsh, but loving environment we all know.  He didn't seem to be very happy about the light and passing-around he met as he left his comfort zone, but now he has taken to it well.

I'm so proud of and for Seth and Tine and how hard they worked and how much they obviously love this little life that is a mix of them both.  I didn't realize how much Lennon looks like Seth until I found pictures in my storage unit of Seth as a newborn.  They're identical.  I'm sure Lennon will develop into a perfect mixture of his parents, but there is no doubt that he's Seth's right now.  :)

I miss being there with them, but I'll return in 2 weeks for a couple of days.  He will have changed so much by then, and over the coming months when I will only see him a few times.  It is plain, however, that I want to be there and experience everything he goes through and see first-hand his growth and new abilities as he strengthens.  It was hard leaving, but it is what it is.  I know I'll be back by the time he is able to call me gramma.  Or Mama-Lynn, or whatever we decide I will be.

Until then, I'll see him whenever possible, and we will Skype often, and I'll certainly be a part of his life even from afar.  Sweet, precious baby boy - can't wait for a cousin to be in the works.  :)