showering babies

I was "home" last weekend to help Lacy with a baby shower for Lennon.  She had worked so hard getting things together and planning, I felt bad that I could do little from here other than agree or make suggestions.  To make up for it, I spent most of Friday night through Sunday preparing or participating or post-cleaning, which I was happy to do.  I'm happy for the time it gave me with Lacy, creating decorations and gifts and favors, shopping for more decorations and gifts.  Buying and preparing food, putting it all together Sunday morning and waiting for the fun to begin.

I'm also happy for the time it gave me with Seth and Christine and Lennon (although he's still hiding out, which is good).  Watching them enjoy the games and their friends at the shower, watching them open the many gifts.  The glow of pride and anticipation on their faces, the thankfulness toward the givers of gifts, and the love that was apparent in the room - between friends and between family.  Even a mishap Saturday night couldn't dampen the joy of Sunday.  The shower came off beautifully.

It's both odd and heart-warming to see my son - the one that you would never expect - so excited about the prospect of fatherhood.  It's so apparent that he wants to be a good father, that he welcomes this opportunity, this requirement, to be an adult, to be responsible and do all the right things.  It feels like he has a realistic handle on the brevity of parenthood, and of the changes to come, and more importantly, is prepared for it.  Seth is a quietly strong, but very emotional, person.  I think like me in that respect.  Seth rarely shows emotion, but when he does it's huge.  Like me, he can take a lot, but when he snaps, he SNAPS.  And he is slow to allow feelings to show, but when he reaches the breaking point, good or bad, feelings ooze from every pore.  I've seen him, and held him, while he bawled with hurt and sorrow, and I've seen him steel and hold both happiness and sadness inside, the frozen grin that's almost a grimace on his face that I know means it's just under the surface, and tears (whether of joy or pain) may be just behind his eyes.

Seth has always worried me in this regard, in this way that I know he inherited from me.  It pains me to know that he feels the same emotions and confusion and misdirection that I've felt in my life at times.  The regrets over not doing the right thing, or at least the better thing.  The way we beat ourselves up more than anyone else beats us.  It's because of this that know he'll be a good father.  It's a chance at redemption.  A chance to undo life until now.  A way to put those experiences behind him while keeping them in mind as he raises a son who he surely would prefer to walk a straighter path.

I see Seth being a gentle and patient dad, but firm in his rules and strict in his guidance.  I guess that's the kind of parent we would all like to be, and strive to be, but don't always succeed.  As long as he works toward that goal, and can put the needs of this beautiful child before his own for the next few years, he'll do just fine.  Seth has certainly had enough adventure of one kind in his life, now it's time to experience an adventure of quite another kind.  And this is one that he can carry through the rest of his life, and know the feeling of proudly saying "that's MY son".