Decisions, decisions

I am not happy with my co-workers; those 2 that were out part of last week with colds.  I don't get simple illnesses like colds very often - I get the weird, unheard of things, like an allergy to sesame seeds that suddenly has me worrying about the bun my hamburger comes on.  Nevertheless, I woke up this morning with a pounding headache, stuffy nose, and chills.  With my luck, I'll feel like crap all day today (Sunday), and wake up tomorrow just fine.  I have things I want to do today, and I would be fine staying home in bed tomorrow.  Hopefully the "cold & sinus" pills will allow me to feel well enough to at least finish cleaning house.

I have to clean house because I received an email last week from the owner of my lovely 12th story condominium, asking what day would be good for an appraiser to stop in.  Two thoughts immediately entered my brain - the first being "oh shit I have to clean the house", and the second being "oh shit why are they getting the place appraised".  Having an excuse to clean is not a bad thing - I need an excuse more often.  But having an appraisal done when I'm 3 months from the end of my current lease is worrisome.  Are they selling it?  Are they raising my rent?  Are they booting me to the street just months from my planned return to Alabama?

I wrote back as cooperatively joyful as I could muster, saying "sure no problem Monday would be great!".  And oh by the way, I am really hoping to be able to stay on a bit longer....hint hint.  Thankfully the response was that they love having me here and are sure we can work something out on the lease.  Whew.  I really would hate to be forced into a move only to have to move again in a few months.  Besides, moving is expensive and finding a suitable place as wonderful as this one would be a pain.

It's really hard for me to believe I've been here in Chicago for almost 2 years.  My original plan was a 2-3 year stint before moving back home, and I've talked with both my current and former bosses, and it seems that a return is in the plan for late this year, if not earlier.  Great.  Fantastic.  Home.  But....but......I love it here.  So it seems my choice is to stay on another couple of years in a different role that would give me even broader experience before returning, or to stick with my conviction of moving back to the bosom of my family and friends in the South.  It's a truly difficult decision.

When I embarked on this grand adventure of leaving all that I have known my entire life to experience life in a foreign land (well, foreign to me), I was certain that 2 years would be all I could handle.  It wasn't so much the hills and rivers of North Alabama that would pull me back, it would be family.  I've joked for years that my kids couldn't manage to be very far away from me as they seemed to follow me wherever I went.  When I moved to Huntsville, here came each of them.  And until they were both married, I threatened to put a revolving door on my house, because if one was moving out, the other was moving in.

Even though they were out and on their own (finally), we were all still within a few minutes of each other, and I really thought that being hours apart would quickly wear thin.  The truth of it is the hours are not that many, and I still see them often, and they love coming to visit Chicago, if not me.  And now the 2-3 year adventure is coming to a close and I'm uncertain.  Can I go back to the country life where there are no skyscrapers and trains and food of every imaginable type and actual professional sporting events and concerts and shows and all of the things that are available whether I can afford them or not?

I dream of a house with a dog and a cat and a garden and flowers and trees and a porch with a swing and a view of the mountains.  I dream of Saturday morning coffee with Lacy and Sunday evening dinner with Seth.  I dream of having my grandson and future grandchildren running around me playing games and baking cookies and learning to quilt or knit or crochet just like I did with my grandmother.  I dream of having a happy place and being the fun gramma that everyone loves to visit.

When I dream of my future life and my slow-down years, there's no Michigan Avenue or elevated trains or Willis Tower or Wrigley Field.  There's no city outside my door, only grass and June bugs.  There's no exploration of man-made architecture, only Mother Nature's.  I love this city, and it has given me so much that I never would have had.  In years to come, it will still be my city to share, if only on short trips.  There are so many other places to visit and enjoy, but only a few that I know and love and that feel a part of me - Gulf Shores, Auburn, DeSoto State Park, and most of North Alabama.  And, of course, Chicago, Illinois.

Will it be hard to go back?  Of course.  Will I miss this place?  Definitely.  Will I feel that pull in my heart every time I hear "Chicago" in the news or see a movie with a familiar backdrop?  Absolutely.  Will I remember my time here fondly as I mow my yard in 95-degree humid hell?  You betcha.  But I know where I really, really want to be, long-term, and it ain't here.  I'll make the best of the time I have left here, and skip home with a smile on my face, and in my heart.  :)