ahhhh...two days of peace

It's been just about exactly 8 months since I left my job in Huntsville and ventured to the big city.  I have so enjoyed living here that I know it will be very hard to leave whenever I do move back "home" to Alabama.  My enjoyment, however, has been in 2-day per week pieces.  The other 5 days of each week are less than stellar, and put such a damper on the whole experience.

To say I haven't exactly enjoyed my job is somewhat of an understatement.  There have been times in the past 6 months or so that I've actually tried to calculate what it would cost me to leave it.  If I leave the company within a year of relocation, I have to pay back the cost (prorated).  The benefits with Navistar are really good, and beginning 2011 I will have 4 weeks of vacation per year.  4 weeks.  Hard to beat.

There's also my lease on the condo which is locked in through April.  And I love it, and I love living here.  So what to do?  Actually, what I did a couple of months ago was sit down with my boss and tell him straight up how unhappy I was.  He was sympathetic and understanding and willing to do whatever I felt it would take to make things better.  It all boils down to a couple of points:  a) I was never given a job description, and I was never truly interviewed for the position in particular, and b) I am completely and utterly not qualified for the job.  I had no knowledge of the area that my job covers, but felt tremendous pressure to know it and do it and be perfect from day 1.

My predecessor is still with the company, and actually just moved to a different position in the same department, yet, I got no help or guidance from him of what I should be doing and how.  And to top it all off, I was not the only one who was new to the department - my immediate boss came in at the same time from another division, and was learning the ropes, and my counterpart in the department was also new to her position and very young and green and struggling.

After my discussion with the bossman, he learned some things that helped make sense of the situation.  One was that my predecessor did not have any help or knowledge of the job when it was thrust on him, so he had to learn everything the hard way, and thought I should too.  Gee, thanks.  Another was that he really had no idea of my background or what I expected, and assumed that I had been interviewed and chosen for the job based on qualifications.  Wrong.  I even said I didn't want it, but was enticed by the promise of being involved in other areas also and broadening my knowledge.  That had not happened because I also was short one person on my staff.

All of those things jumbled together have made for a tough time, and something I've really not wanted to document or discuss - but it is part of my experience here, and I want to document at least something about the whole of my experience.  Things are better - with time, I've learned more and am feeling more comfortable with the tasks set before me.  I've had support from my boss and from others who know my work and capabilities.  And hopefully I can work toward restoring my reputation and status within the company as a valuable asset, which I feel has been tarnished (unfairly) by my slow start.

At the very least, I now feel I can manage through the remaining time that I'm here, however long that may be.  The coming new year may bring many changes and opportunities, and I just need to take as much advantage of them as I can.  It's hard some days to drum up any level of excitement about going into work, but overall, I can do it.  Besides, they actually pay me pretty well and have given me this chance to step outside my comfort zone and test myself.  Everything about it can be a positive for me going forward...as long as I treat it as the adventure it is and not take it too seriously.

Plus, I have those two wonderful days each week to relax, recharge, and release the frustrations of the previous 5 days.  Weekends are a gift from the gods to combat the demons of work.