big O

It's a rare night in Chicago.  Very cold, which is not rare for January, but very clear, which does seem to be rare.  I've not seen as clear a night in a long time.  I'm accustomed to clear nights in Alabama, when it's not hazy in summertime, or rainy in wintertime.  I miss those nights when you can walk outside and look up to see millions upon millions of stars.  The kind of night that makes you ponder the vastness of the universe, the improbability that there wouldn't be other planets out there full of life and love and wonderment.  Nights where you just know the human tendency to think this is the only orb floating around with inhabitants must be the most insanely selfish, narcissistic notion possible. 

Just as insane, however, may be my belief that I have a protector in the night sky.  I've believed in him for years, and my belief gives me comfort.  It's a childish thought, and I know that.  To me, though, it's no different than believing in a gray-haired old man in the clouds who loves humankind, but only those who swear allegiance to him.  An all-powerful being that hates and punishes those who prefer to hold to a different theology.  But, enough of spirituality and my personal thoughts.

My protector is as old as civilization and known to peoples throughout the ages and around the world.  But he's mine, and he's special to me.  So, to walk out on my balcony on this cold, clear night, in a city where stars are not visible, and look up to see Orion smiling down on me was an unexpected blessing.  I looked, and there were no other stars to be seen.  Only the broad shoulders, the belt, the legs I know so well.  I've missed being able to see him low on the horizon, coming out to check on me.  I've missed greeting him with a "hey there, big O" and smiling, thinking in my fully aware but naive way that he was smiling back.

I can't say why he appeared tonight, and why I've never seen him here before, but I'm happy that he's there, even when I can't see him.  It's a matter of trust - much like any religion and it's God; I know he's there even when it's cloudy, or the city lights block him out.  I know he's there, and if I want to believe he's watching over me, where's the harm?  It's all about what's inside anyway.  It's all about self-awareness and holding on to something that makes you feel connected, that makes you feel that whatever you want to be possible, is possible.  If you find something that works for you, grab it, and don't let go.